control: is it denial or delusion?

I'm not sure if I've "come out and said it" but I just wanted to pass on something which to me has gone beyond "knowledge" and into the fully grokked ... that is that control over things is an illusion or a delusion (depending on how you view yourself).

Sure, we know how to control our bodies with our will, but once it gets past simple things, the lines blur and the illusion breaks down. Even with our own bodies (which we think we control) there are processes which we do not. Mostly we attempt to have some sort of control over our bodies, which we often call social graces, and we don't fart, piss or shit in places which social thinking tells us not to (and indeed good hygienic practice too). Of course this can only be controlled for so long (and many a joke had about that topic).

But after then its all pretty much down to chance or luck; not our planning.

You could (for instance) be walking across the road on the phone planning that big thing to be hit suddenly by a car that you walked out in front of ...

If you survive (and depending on your injuries) you may come to the realisation that you were not actually in control of the things which matter in your life. By your inattention you had abdicated the control over them.

Sometimes however we never actually had control. For instance my friends death from cancer when I was 20, my own heart condition, my wifes sudden death from a brain tumor, all these things are clear reminders that I'm a wanderer on this earth not anyone in charge of my destiny.

This is not to say don't try to plan and don't try to organise, but it is to say that you need to keep in mind that it just may not happen the way you planned.

The important thing is to not get angry or develop anxiety over  these things because your control was just an illusion anyway.

To me getting emotional over what you had no control over is just evidence that you are in denial about this, or deluded about what power you really have. Probably the more angry you get the more you are deep in denial or delusion.

Life can be enjoyed (of course sometimes its not fun at all ... ), but don't stake your life (and your plans in life) on the delusional idea that "you're in control" ... well ... it never leads to happiness.

Happiness is a state of being which we can actually have control over. We can choose to not be effected by something in a bad way if we wish to.

So having introduced Stoic philosophy here let me leave you with some advice from one of the greats, Marcus Aurelius

I don't know what you think about god (or if you like me are atheist) but from a human spiritual perspective I think Carl Jung nailed god pretty well when he wrote:

He also said this:

"We are so captivated by and entangled in our subjective consciousness that we have forgotten the age-old fact that God speaks chiefly through dreams and visions. The Buddhist discards the world of unconscious fantasies as useless illusions; the Christian puts his Church and his Bible between himself and his unconscious; and the rational intellectual does not yet know that his consciousness is not his total psyche."

So not only must we see and understand the difference between what we can control and what we can not; we must also become in touch with the part of ourselves which is the unconscious.

If you feel like prayer to God I recommend this also old advice/prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I wish you peace