Storybook love

Love stories always seem to focus on beginnings. One of my old favourites is Princess Bride.

My love is like a storybook story
But it's as real as the feelings I feel
My love is like a storybook story
But it's as real as the feelings I feel
It's as real as the feelings I feel

He said, "Don't you know I love you oh so much
And lay my heart at the foot of your dress?"
She said, "Don't you know that storybook loves
Always have a happy ending?"
Then he swooped her up just like in the books
And on his stallion they rode away.

I met my Princess, sweeping her off her feet and getting married

But in real love that is just the beginning. 

Frequently couples don't get past the falling in love stage.

We had better than a story book love in real life, as every trouble made us stronger, through the trials of life our attraction developed into real love.

Sadly in truth even story book love have sad endings sometimes. Our lives were parted by death.

I know that in this place my love for her endures. I hope that where she is her love can endure and perhaps our story book love can have a happy ending.

I guess my message is this; stop focusing on the farytale beginnings and work at the love you are building together. Because THAT is true love

Grasping clichés

A year has passed since my dearest Anita passed away.  I have struggled with many things in this time, one of which is the phrase people keep saying to me. It uses the words "letting go" in different ways.

I have wondered what the hell they mean (probably they don't know either).  I can never let go of the love we had or the bond we had (as hard to quantify as that is).

Today I have come to understand that it is perhaps like the meaning of letting go of you loved ones hand while they go to do something else. Like the mothers first day of taking their child to school. You let them go.

This is often a time of anguish for the kid and the parent.

Perhaps what makes that easier is the knowledge that you will see them again.

"Till death do us part" - wasn't part of our wedding vow.

At least this year the pain is not as acute and the tasks not as difficult

Body and soul

Injuries happen from time to time and our body does a remarkable job of healing. This once mysterious thing (we have come to understand) comes from the bodies many cells. While we have one body it is made of many cells that also look after the job of healing eachother.

While our body is composed of many cells we have but one mind. Once upon a time we used the term soul more in daily language than mind. Stuff like "not a soul around" or even SOS (the old emergengy call) literally means Save Our Souls, and was not a cry for last rites but for physical rescue.

I have found that just like the body it is in the interaction with other minds (or in old language other souls) that healing can take place. Withdrawal into isolation is not the path to healing but more likely the path to madness.

I am lucky to be of the mind to speak and share my thoughts, also I am lucky to have many friends around me willing to listen and aid.

Today is the day she died. It has been quite an injury to my soul. Combined with the suffering of my surgical infection this has been a very difficult year.

To all of you I say thankyou, it has made this healing process possible. Without you all I would perhaps be a more scarred person than I am.

They say what does not kill you makes you stronger. Well perhaps I begin to see that I am a little stronger than before. Paradoxically I still feel weak.

Most of all I feel I miss her still...

Why am I here

Well yes I know why I came.

What I don't know is why be here and not somewhere else.

There are many things about my other home that tug me in that direction, equally there are things that pull me here too.

Were I there I would be thinking of here.

Is it just the obstacles that daunt me? Well as they have arisen they so far have subsided.

I somehow look to events to guide me, as if they were portends of the path to follow. Somehow I just don't think thats how it is.

For sure its a nice place to be while I make up my mind