Monday, 28 September 2015

clouds and mountains

Sometimes the assortment of cloud types and a little rain in the mountains here are lovely.

I do wish that digital didn't smash the highlights so easily however.

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

I can hear (him) for miles and miles and miles ....

The bird that's probably my most recognizable sound for my sub tropical area is the Koel (or Stormbird, or Cooee bird...)

He's got a distinctive two part call which can be heard for miles ... its something like the common name of "Koo Eeee"

Like any good singer he really knows how to put his entire body into it ... and projects that sound well

He's really grown fond of that Lilli Pilli right beside my place. Now that summer is on the way he's arrived to find a mate, and together lay eggs in someone elses nest (yes, he's a cuckoo). He likes to start calling with first light ... guess I won't need my alarm for a while now, now that I have this new Cuckoo Alarm Clock.

I wonder where the chainsaw is...

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

denial or delusion?

I'm not sure if I've "come out and said it" but I just wanted to pass on something which to me has gone beyond "knowledge" and into the fully grokked ... that is that control over things is an illusion or a delusion (depending on how you view yourself).

Sure, we know how to control our bodies with our will, but once it gets past simple things, the lines blur and the illusion breaks down. Even with our own bodies (which we think we control) there are processes which we do not. Mostly we attempt to have some sort of control over our bodies, which we often call social graces, and we don't fart, piss or shit in places which social thinking tells us not to (and indeed good hygienic practice too). Of course this can only be controlled for so long (and many a joke had about that topic).

But after then its all pretty much down to chance or luck; not our planning.

You could (for instance) be walking across the road on the phone planning that big thing to be hit suddenly by a car that you walked out in front of ...

If you survive (and depending on your injuries) you may come to the realisation that you were not actually in control of the things which matter in your life. By your inattention you had abdicated the control over them.

Sometimes however we never actually had control. For instance my friends death from cancer when I was 20, my own heart condition, my wifes sudden death from a brain tumor, all these things are clear reminders that I'm a wanderer on this earth not anyone in charge of my destiny.

This is not to say don't try to plan and don't try to organise, but it is to say that you need to keep in mind that it just may not happen the way you planned.

The important thing is to not get angry at these things because your control was just an illusion anyway.

To me getting angry over what you had no control over is just evidence that you are in denial about this, or deluded about what power you really have. Probably the more angry you get the more you are deep in denial or delusion.

Life can be enjoyed (of course sometimes its not fun at all ... ), but don't stake your life (and your plans in life) on the delusional idea that "you're in control" ... well ... it never leads to happiness

Friday, 4 September 2015

all quiet here

It would seem to have been quiet here on my blog lately. Its not that I've forgotten or even that I've not had anything to say. Its more that the things I have to express have perhaps been all said here and I can see also from the activity some of my older works are providing useful reference / reading for others.

Its been three years since I buried Anita (anniversary just passed) and as one could expect there has been a lot on my mind, especially with respect to my relationship with her.

obvious paradoxes

She is with me every day, yet not here at all. I am finding that I am gradually developing the strength to carry her memory while not being overwhelmed by its 'weight' (and by the weight of her absence). My desire to learn to carry that and to train myself in carrying that has brought with it an awareness that (unlike physical training) I do not know how to train myself effectively. So I'm sort of like a kid in a gym playing with the machines and bars but not knowing how to do it - not having anyone to show me how.

I guess that I am accepting my load of doing things in the physical world (which I have been ignoring) but only in so far as it facilitates me getting away.

I feel a strong wish to be wandering, which I realise that I have done many times in the past. Japan, India, Korea, Finland ... each time brought with it changes. Sometimes it facilitated finding myself, sometimes it was just distraction.

I tire of being lonely but I do not (curiously) waver in my love for Anita. This makes it clear to me that for me to ever have any other relationships that person will need to be as aware, developed and patient as I am. So probably there can no further relationships in my life. Its not that such a person will not exist, but that I meet them at the time that they are ready to be met is so improbable that I'd call it as I just did.

Lets see where the road goes.

There remains much to do here, but then Finland first then probably to Ireland.