Its been over 6 years since I've held her hand (or hers mine), enjoyed her baking or had her direct influence in my life. So many holes created by her departure will never be filled, to remain permanent infarctions in my life (see here).
It has been a hard time reconciling everything these last years, and while in our time together before and after marriage there were surely conflicts and disagreements I enjoyed learning how to come together with Anita to live in harmony. I know we were evolving together and becoming a great team with a common sense of humor.
I can't say I've enjoyed the (soon to be more) years of learning how to be apart.
In those years I have come to see at least one thing clearly: there is no God who is like the Churches teach (although there may be a creator), its just lies and deceit to keep people turning up, preying upon something deep inside our makeup. A need, a want.
I hope that there is more to Life than just Death, but in this life I will never know. Perhaps I will never see Anita again, perhaps I may. However I must live my life as if I will not and can only in good faith keep the love for her in my heart and respect all I learned while we were together.
So if you have the good fortune to be in love ... cherish it for its value is not to be underestimated.
The purpose of this post is not to seek sympathy (or express those desires) but to encourage anyone out there who is in a state of love to not take that for granted. Express how you feel, stop sweating the small stuff and enjoy the life you live together, for there is nothing surer than that you will be apart one day (well unless you both die simultaneously). I would like to quote a poignant part of a well scripted video (and then provide a link to that).
Our emotions are a combination of two elements: an affective movement within the body and a judgement. Suffering arises when we attach judgements to these affective movements that are beyond our control. For example to love someone is within your control, the judgement that this love should be returned and should be so forever is not.
I like the teachings of Stoicism because it is a philosophy to help you to make your own life better. It teaches you outlooks and views upon whch you can build your own strength (and not place you in a dependence relationship with a parasitic organisational organism, which has found a weakness in human minds and preys upon it.
I hope that your life is made just that tiny bit better by this.
1 comment:
Hello, Chris. Long time no "speak." Thinking of you often hope you're doing well.It appears to be a sad part of life that it sometimes takes tragedy to allow us to see the blessings in our lives. A kind word, an unexpected helping hand or gift, they're each blessings but often invisible. Acknowledging them helps me
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