Sunday, 5 October 2014

emotional masala

every day I just want to drop something (but it is me who will have to clean it up, so I don't)

every day I want to tear things apart (but it is me who will have to fix them, so I don't)

every day I want to scream out loud (some days I do)

every day I look at her works (and cherish them)

some days I laugh out loud at something ridiculous which I suddenly see as funny

less days than I have before I cry

There is so much in my life to remind me of her ... of us ... of who we were together
knowing that it can be worse somehow does not make it feel less bad

knowing that what we had was rare and special still does not substitute for her loss.

I feel that promises given freely are none the less binding. I do not regret those promises, I would not trade having had our life together, for that defines so much of who I am. I just lament the loss.

Bonds are in some ways the opposite of freedom. So while I know I will never be free, I don't feel the desire to struggle to break that bond, for it was in those ties that I found love.

I feel simply that I love her and lament her loss.

Just like guys like this understand their loss. Loss of something which they too would never wish they had never had.

an understanding that what is gone is not coming back

doing their best to adjust to life without part of themselves.

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