Tuesday, 3 January 2017


In Australia the word "date" is often used colloquially to refer to your anus ... your arse hole. So when people speak of "Date Roll" they may be talking about a type of cake (which is a cylinder not usually a proper roll) or good old fashioned dunny paper.

Another pearl of Australian (and I believe British) english is to suggest to someone when expressing dislike for their idea to "stick it up their arse". Indeed this can be extended to the idea that someone else "stuck something up my arse" when expressing how your own fate on a matter evolved.

So with this metaphor firmly in mind I'd like to discuss how I feel about "updates" ... or as I often term it "up the date".

All too often "updates" are when companies push out (and you often can't prevent it) ideas which make you feel like something unwanted was shoved up your arse.

I've had experiences on this "dating" back many years, when a Microsoft "up the date" of Windows 2000 Professional essentially broke the relationship between CPU Fan and temperature sensors on the motherboard on my computer. I initially thought I had a bung CPU fan (because the computer went into thermal overload shutdown every time it was on more than a while) but traced it back to being "up the dated" by an update.

These days being "up the dated" is getting so common that we even have our phones set so that you don't download "up the dates" by 3G or 4G but we wait till we're on WiFi so that it doesn't blow out our quota.

I mean seriously folks, this has got out of hand. Things do not need to be "updated" that fucking much.

For instance I read that the latest "up the date" from OnePlus rendered issues to their phones:

so you got billed for having this jamed up their date, and then they pull it out (what and like and wipe it on the curtains ...) because it wasn't properly tested.

You often don't even have capacity to govern this as there is now precedent with makers obsoleting their phones by "up the date"

So you buy the phone, you happen to like it, yours is not presenting a problem, you've put hours of work customising it, you need it reliably daily ... you don't have time to take it back and suddently Samsung shoves it up your arse that you are going to be taking it back.

Wake up folks.

Given the massive rate of turn over on phones (to essentially do nothing more than cater to software updates that do nothing more than bloat things out in many cases) you may as well be just renting it.

Of course this is the best of both worlds, you pay for it (yes even on a plan) and then its junk in a little while. Meaning that essentially (in essence) you are renting it but you get less of the benefits of renting with none of the long term benefits of ownership ... oh ... I forgot ... people don't know what long term means anymore.

Yet you love it?

Seems to me people have been up-the-dated so long that they are suffering from identification with their captor.

No comments: