Sunday, 3 February 2013

is there light at the end of my tunnel?

One day we were walking through a disused railway tunnel, I was interested in the walls of the tunnel while walking in the darkness. Anita walked on leaving me in the darkness, waiting for me at the end of the tunnel in the light.

Somehow I never expected that this photograph I took would come to describe my condition.

Every day there so much I want to say, but I feel that there is noone to say it to. Noone who I feel would really understand it. Perhaps I shouldn't even want to say it.

Every milestone passed just feels wrong, yet do I want time to stand still?
Not really because then I would be trapped here forever. That I couldn't bear.

My life changed forever on that day in August, yet nothing really happened to me.

People say I need to let go and move on. I don't really know what that means, for I am holding nothing which I wish to give up.

I will not relinquish the memories, or give up on the love I have for her or the promises I made to her. So I must learn how to function as I am.

Perhaps somehow Anita can lead me into the light again. I know that she's up there.


Anonymous said...

"... just get on with it ... pull yourself together..."

People will often say these stupid words, not realising what they truly mean. I think it is merely a way to distance themselves, not wanting to or perhaps not knowing how to handle the situation.

The time and the pain is yours and yours alone. It is a journey that you must make alone AND in your own time.

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing as letting go Chirs, not for you. There will be a time (when you don't know) that you may feel abit of relief.. By that I mean the light will help you see things a little more clearer. As for you not being affected on that day well even if you weren't there as you said earlier, you will always be affected, Anita is you wife and will definitely guide you. No matter what we all say, she is your ANGEL brother. Angels are always there. The Tunnel light will dim and not so nice but saw your Angel in the sky now look for her guiding light. It is there.


obakesan said...

When I said "my life changed forever" that is an indication of how deeply I was affected at that moment of time. When I said "yet nothing happened to me" it means I was not hit by a car, nearly drowned in the sea or had a surgeon cut into my body.

On those occasions I was not nearly as affected as I was by just listening to a telephone