Sunday, 31 July 2016

physical metaphors for the non-physical

When two bodies in motion approach and come close to interact with each other their directions change and depending on the parameters may simply have their paths altered, or orbit one another.

Anita and I orbited each other in what was clearly a very stable orbit, of course at first the orbits are perturbed (indeed the objects may orbit briefly and fling off) but our orbits were settling into a stability that was becoming quite stable and would endure.

Unlike the physical world, one body can instantly cease to exist (in death)  leaving the other body (suddenly without the interacting forces) to resume its uninfluenced "straight line" motion as when a string is released in a sling.

I felt like that body at the time of Anitas death, and I still feel like that body now.

I have spent the last 4 years wondering about my directions for unlike an inanimate body I can make a choice in directions, the problem lies in being able to perceive the world well enough to make good decisions on that.

So in some ways I've come to a decision on my direction today. I've decided to sell our home, invest that money and move on. Staying here seems to serve no purpose and the asset which is our home would be perhaps as much of a burden to me intellectually as it would be a financial risk of the tenants ruined the good works we put into making it our home.

One last point occurs to me from the physical model, and its a shift from the gravitational view to that of the particle view. Quantum entanglement provides a view on how two particles which once interacted can remain coherent although separated by distance. So it is my hope that our interaction brings about an entanglement of what I hope persists of both of us. While my "local realist" view is that she is not here, perhaps (as I have previously conjectured) I'm not really here and that we can eventually be together "somewhere".

who knows ... but for now I'm off on another direction ... waiting for the next disturbance or collision

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Oppo F1 - a quick "mod"

Just a quick post on a "physical mod" that I've done on my phone.

I don't like cases for a number of reasons, but there have been a few small issues on my Oppo that I don't really like; it slides off things easilly, swype on my desk is tricky (because it slides), its often hard to pick up, when its flat on a table I can't hear the ringer from places around the house (because the speaker slot is muffled ...

So I've added some small self adhesive "clear plastic pads" to the bottom. I bought them from Bunnings (smallest ones they have) and then trimmed them down carefully shaving them with a "box cutter" so they are about 2mm thick.

While this is not for the DIY Klutzes its easy to do and has the following benefits:

  • as the ringer is on the back of the phone and the alert on the front. Now I can have it face up and still hear the ringer (which being there on the back was being muffled even on a table)
  • the stand off height means I can now get my fingers onto the phone more easily and pick it up without a slip drop caused by it being so slender
  • the pads to not feel anything in the pocket, so the phone's dimensions are unchanged in feel (sure it won't fit through a metal slot, but really..)
  • some extra protection from scratching (such as sand or grit) on surfaces is now provided both for the back (who cares) and the camera lens (important)
  • the phone now is less "slippery" on surfaces (like the arm of the couch) and doesn't slide off when the vibration / ring occurs

My NokiaE72 had a "camera bump" which WangerReviewers would go on about, but which had the effect of both lifting the rear speaker off the table (allowing it to really increase volume) and protected both the back and the camera outter filter.

So, there you go

Friday, 22 July 2016

living in the past

The truth is there is no "now" as its already gone by the time you perceive it. So in some ways we are all "living in the past".

I'm a little more selective about my moving forward, I guess that I always have been, for I sift through the present and discard what I'm not interested in taking on board.

For instance I still drive my 1989 model 4x4 (and keep it in tidy shape), because I just don't think that spending $50,000 on a new one will bring me to those places or carry my camping gear any better. I doubt they'll even use much less fuel.

Yet I've incorporated pieces of modernity as I go along (sometimes at the regret of lost functionality of older units). Digital cameras, laptops, phones ... sometimes I'm way behind the curve, other times I see a new thing and leap on it (like my move to micro43rds back in 2009 when noone even said "mirrorless" yet).

One of the benefits of living in the past is that its actually quite cost effective. The money I save on not having to have the "latest and greatest" means that I can either save more or work less to live a comfortable life. In fact I've been doing a little of both lately (saving more so that in the coming years I can work much less).

I've always found that a life balance where I get to enjoy my life while I'm able to enjoy it has been enjoyable, satisfying and fruitful (in terms of the things in life which bring joy but money can't buy).

Living in the past does however require some skills ... ability to do for yourself what you would have thought of paying for. When you are time rich you can save more money than you can earn (after tax) in a year by just "stitching in time to save nine".

ponder it ...

Sunday, 10 July 2016

Preserving (my) memory of love

I initially thought to keep this private, but upon writing it I though it may benefit others who are processing their grief.

I keep repeating "I love you Darling" and occasionally speak to Anita as if she could hear me. At times I wonder what I'm doing with saying that. I mean obviously I'm recalling Anita and my fondness for her as well as repeating expressions of love that I felt when we were together. But what is that now? Is it an echo of past behaviour; a manifestation of refusal to accept loss; an attempt at consciously preserving an ember of love?

Despite my strength of feelings towards her, and my (beyond) willingness to keep our bond strong it is obvious that time and absence will mean that no new memories can be created and the accuracy and poignancy of old ones will blur and dull.

Just as the leaves of the rain forest trees fall onto the ground and obscure and become one with the soil without effort on my part these memories will do the same as time (like gravity) moves inexorably forward.

In my recollections over these last (almost) 4 years  I have indeed found exactly that. Photographs of course help to retain memories, but in some ways they eventually become the memories, and it is only in discussions with others that the memories are teased out again. In the end however strong my feelings are, I will be "let down" by the inaccuracy and failings of human biology and human memory.

But there is perhaps something else which is perhaps a habitual response, even maybe genetically encoded in humans to do. But to what end?

I'm of course not sure, but here in Australia we find a gemstone called Opal; its beauty and vivid colours are attractive and it is also a permanent record of what went before it. One of the theories of the creation of Opal is that microorganisms are essentially fossilised in the surrounding layers of clay (which over years of layers eventually became rock). Microscopic examination of opals reveals that there is an abundance of microorganisms embedded within the opals.

Perhaps this is what I'm doing; forming memories which are permanent beautiful reminders of what was beautiful to me. While eventually each memory will lose its form due to the pressures of new memories and activities, a core of beauty will remain encapsulated in the clay rock of my memory.

In a song by Queen, Freddie sings:
Who wants to live forever,
Who dares to love forever,
When love must die.
as I've written before, I wonder if what persists in the universe / multiverse is the repetition of thought, a strength of reinforced pattern. So maybe we die, but the expression of our love may just remain forever, long after I'm ceased to be.

Maybe one day (it is fanciful for a romantic like me to hope) that opal of memory will provide some beauty for others to see. If so then its a worthy thing to try to leave behind.