bubbles locked in amber

I have good friends. They often tell me that "I'm not alone, because they are there for me". While I have no doubt of their genuine intentions and efforts too, the problem is that frequently I still feel very much alone.

When I go to sleep at night, when wake in the middle of the night, when I wake in the morning, when I spend most of the hours of the day, heck even when doing things around the house - I'm just alone. Over a year later and I still simply feel empty at her absence. I still feel the desire to be able to do something for her - yet I can not.

So despite the words of "you're not alone" ... you know ... I feel that I am. Perhaps we are all always alone, perhaps its just a state of mind that we are actually with anyone.

I don't know if I'll ever completely stop feeling this way. Like bubbles trapped in amber, gradually filling the empty void left by her absence I reckon that there will remain quite a few bubbles that will be forever empty, even if the amber never sets.

Even tipping something in to mix with the existing treacle of my life I don't expect that will fill those voids completely.

I'm just saying ...