Saturday, 25 January 2014

bubbles locked in amber

I have good friends. They often tell me that "I'm not alone, because they are there for me". While I have no doubt of their genuine intentions and efforts too, the problem is that frequently I still feel very much alone.

When I go to sleep at night, when wake in the middle of the night, when I wake in the morning, when I spend most of the hours of the day, heck even when doing things around the house - I'm just alone. Over a year later and I still simply feel empty at her absence. I still feel the desire to be able to do something for her - yet I can not.

So despite the words of "you're not alone" ... you know ... I feel that I am. Perhaps we are all always alone, perhaps its just a state of mind that we are actually with anyone.

I don't know if I'll ever completely stop feeling this way. Like bubbles trapped in amber, gradually filling the empty void left by her absence I reckon that there will remain quite a few bubbles that will be forever empty, even if the amber never sets.

Even tipping something in to mix with the existing treacle of my life I don't expect that will fill those voids completely.

I'm just saying ...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Some wounds, even if they eventually heal, will leave a scar that will never go away. Some things will change you forever. I can't say that I know how you feel, but I can say that I too know about loss.

obakesan said...

Thanks :-)
No one ever knows exactly how others feel, but its not a precise science. Understanding is plenty.

I agree with what you say about wounds. To quote from Fringe:
"The Pain is her legacy to you, it is proof at she was here."

I expect like other scars I have I'll just learn to live with it.

It just takes time...

Yu-Lin Chan said...

Being physically alone does not have feel alone. As you said, it's a state of mind. You can be surrounded by many people, and yet still feel lonely, but if you are with someone in mind and heart, you will not be lonely.