From this site on a fellow travellers insights into dealing with grief I found a quotation of something he found helpful. I will underline the points which I take the significant issue with.
When we cry for a loved one that has died, either we cry for ourselves or we cry for humanity, never for our loved one. Many will not agree with this, but it is true.
Really? Never? Its just true because he says so ... well that's not how I personally felt. Sure I felt I cried a lot for my loss ... well ok, then it goes on.
The tears are more often than not an expression of our own fear of not having our loved one with us any longer to keep us company, and the subconscious realization that all of us will come to this in time; none will be excused.
ok, so not all the time ... which is it? never or less frequently? Ok and then
Therefore, grief has everything to do with us, and nothing to do with the one who has died. This is the true understanding of grief, and when we understand in this way, grief will be less burdensome.
So within a single paragraph the author then fails to agree himself and reaches a conclusion that contracticts his own words. Makes you wonder if they ever experienced anything or just sprung up to advise others (and probably charge for it too).
I am sure I cry a lot for me and how I feel. But some of the tears are for her, what she lost and how she was robbed. Perhaps that author doesn't get it, but I loved my wife. I was always sad when she was sad, when she was cheated or robbed I tried my best to do something to rectify that and if I couldn't I felt for her.
Maybe he's just another person who is focused on himself.
Myself, I miss Anita so much. It breaks my heart that she won't enjoy the perfect winter days like this (that she loved so much) anymore.
Perhaps she is out there on a lake enjoying the beauty she loved and waiting for me to join her. Now that's something I'd like to be true.